A Sense of Snow

It's Thanksgiving. It seems like it was Halloween yesterday. And now Christmas is barreling down on us like a freight train. Which is a bit scary, as I have no idea what I'm buying for the very few people I buy presents for at all. Everyone I know has everything they need. Me, in case anyone is wondering, I'd like a new job, a house, a Kate Spade purse and liposuction...But those are wants. They aren't needs. I have everything I need. A family that loves me, a roof over my head and food on my table. My job may not be much, but I still have one.
So I'm going to sit here and watch the snow blow in and the start of a cold winter. I hope that all of you out there, wherever you are, are happy and healthy, with family or friends and realizing how very much we have to be thankful for. I know that I am.

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep..."

Phone Home?

I never realized how very dependent on my cell phone I am. Until I didn't have one anymore. While en route to Georgia for work for the um...6th week in a row (I know, right?) I stopped at a QT in South Carolina. Went into the ladies room to wash my hands and set my phone down a bit away from the sink. Didn't want to get it wet. Walked out and forgot to bring the phone with me. Only took me maybe 2-3 minutes to realize that I didn't have it. Ran back in to the ladies' room...Gone. I fought back several waves of hysteria and the impulse to burst into tears. I went to the counter to borrow the phone and called my number, straight to voice mail. So they turned it off. Now I have to find a new phone and have the old one shut off. Trouble is that I am not from Spartanburg, and I don't know where an AT&T store is located. Normally, I would pull up directions and Google map it, but...no phone. I can't call anyone. I can't text. I have no GPS and no way to get on the Internet to find the place. Finally, I find a shopping center with a Kohl's. They have wifi. So I pulled my laptop out of my trunk and borrowed their signal for a bit. Found a store, had to wait for it to open and then almost knocked the salesperson down with the force of my ire.
I am now the proud owner of a new HTC One Mini and it's very cute. And while I'm attempting to sort out how the silly thing works it occurs to me...
The person who stole my phone is an idiot. My Blackberry was more than 2 years old, which is antique. They turned it off, which means that when they turned it back on, it was locked. If you enter the wrong password into my phone more than 5 times, it locks up and wipes the phone. So they are now the proud owners of a lovely paperweight.
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.

Remember

I usually post something in remembrance of this day. Because this day was important to me. It marked the Maginot Line between childhood and adulthood; the world before and the world after. And I suppose for many, it is this way. Whoever we were, as people, as a society, it changed after this day. Now, the children who were born after have never known what it was like to not be at war, to think of terrorism as something that happened in other places. In some ways, I feel bad for them. They may be children, but they were never innocent, as we were. This day is a touchstone for them, always there, every year. For some it simply marks the destruction of one landmark and the rise of another. For others, the death of a parent, aunt, uncle or friend they never knew. They see the images, they see how horrible it was; but they will never know it like we do. Because they've never known anything else. Much in the way we celebrate Veteran's Day or Pearl Harbor day. We know the horror of it, we were taught the history; but we would never feel it in our bones; not the way we do this day.
So today I don't think I'll remember planes, towers and madness. Today I will think that we lost people who were or could have been dear to us. 3000 souls, more or less, good, bad or ugly; in a single morning. They weren't just heroes, or victims, they were friends and endless potential that went unfulfilled.
I will always remember.

"Parting is all we know of heaven,
 And all we need of hell"

Emily Dickinson

Playing in Traffic

Oh the joy that is traveling...So, my job has already moved me from one city to another, now they're sending me afield into Georgia for days at a time. So that means lots of car time, hotels, long days and almost no decent workouts. But there is hope for those of us who love to travel; but hate what it does to the waistline. Here are my very few tips for life on the road:

1. Fuel up at better places. Don't just stop by any old Shell or BP, find a TA or a Love's or a QuikTrip. Also, Sheetz and Wawa are good if those exist where you are. These places often have something to eat besides chips and candy bars. They have sandwiches, yogurt parfaits, fruit and cheese packages; all of which are so much better for you than that bag of Doritos.
2. Find a grocery store. especially if you have a mini-fridge or microwave in your hotel room. You can get pre-made salads, cut fruits and veggies, and other goodies in the produce section of most local markets and usually you will spend much less than a restaurant would cost you. 
3. Take 5 minutes everyday and do an exercise. Anything. Jumping jacks, push-ups, squats, whatever. Even if you are stuck in an office. Five minutes of some activity will make you feel much better. It's hard, when you are accustomed to working out daily or so, to be forced into idleness. Muscles get stiff, joints get sore. Five minutes will loosen the tension and make you feel less like throttling someone. Anyone.

So those are my few little tips. I don't always follow all of them, but I try. We'll see, when I get home this weekend, what the scale thinks about my decisions. 

Miles to go yet, before I sleep.

Poetry is an Old Friend

So in light of the unsettled nature of my mind of late, I have been enjoying reading a good deal of poetry. It's mostly free on Kindle, you can download whole collections, English, American, historical or modern. This is one I have a particular fondness for and will find myself reciting, apropos of nothing.

Antigonish by Hughes Mearns

Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
I wish, I wish he’d go away...

When I came home last night at three
The man was waiting there for me
But when I looked around the hall
I couldn’t see him there at all!
Go away, go away, don’t you come back any more!
Go away, go away, and please don’t slam the door... (slam!)

Last night I saw upon the stair
A little man who wasn’t there
He wasn’t there again today
Oh, how I wish he’d go away

Isn't it fun? I like all sorts of poets and poetry, Emily Dickinson and Shakespeare and e.e. cummings are all part of my bookshelves. I used to pull my mother's books of poetry off the shelves when I was in elementary school. I remember reading Longfellow's "Evangeline" and dreaming about "the forest primeval, with the murmuring pines and the hemlocks,"  Tennyson's "Lady of Shallot" (10 bonus points if you can name the Agatha Christie novel that took it's name from that poem) and even poor e.e. cummings who tragically misplaced all his punctuation. So poetry and I go way back. And really, what is so comforting when we are troubled in our spirits, as an old friend? It may even be better than chocolate. 

Praise, indeed.

Bitter, with Baggage, Seeks Same (or How I Spent My Summer)

I forgot how much moving sucks. The first time I moved, it was three states and 5 hours away and involved selling a house and just about everything I owned. I was ok with it. Also, was ready to go from that place to my new adventure. One year later, only moved across town.
Fast Forward, five years later...
I'm leaving an apartment I've grown to like and the city I've called home for six years. I'm not even going far away, maybe 30 minutes West of here, but in terms of living conditions...30 minute drive, 10 year time warp. My job has shifted me to a new location and since I haven't found another that I like better, I'm going along with their evil plan. I can't afford my rent and the extra gas it would cost to go back and forth every day, so I'm resigned to leaving my fair city.
As I type this, I'm sitting in a favored bakery/cafe in the artsy section of the city and I can't really believe that I won't be fifteen minutes away anymore. My living room is full to critical mass with boxes and bins. The walls are bare and my things are piled here and there.
I'm not coping very well.
I'm binge-eating, although what I call "binge" is definitely less than it was a year ago. I considered taking up drinking, but I've never been a drinker. I find myself grouching at people who are only trying to help me and I'm unable to speak to my beloved husband without becoming Bride of Chucky. I know everyone is being so good to me, being helpful and nice and everything and me, I feel like I'm strung up on wires.
It's not fun.
I'm sorry for the pity-post, my friends, I promise to do better soon. Right now, I'm just gob-smacked by the fact that I am unexpectedly very sad to be leaving the place that has become my home. I didn't see this coming. But then, do we ever, really?

Right now, it's a rainy Sunday and the late-night crowds are coming in. I'm going to leave you for now to try to work on some projects.

Here's to silver light in dark of night.

I Don't Do Lunch

I'm not sure why this may be, but I am not a fan of lunch. I don't care for sandwiches and salads, yogurt doesn't do much for me either. If I'm to have lunch, I want a meal. A hot meal with all the necessary components. I want to sit down and eat it. Not eat in my car or while doing something else. When I eat, I want to take the time to enjoy my food. If I just scarf something, two things will happen: I will eat too much of it and, I will not be satisfied with it. It will be maybe an hour before I'm foraging for something else.
When I'm working, most of the time I skip lunch, since that is our busy time. I may eat a small snack in the late morning, but most of the time, I won't eat until 3PM or so. And that will be a proper meal, almost like dinner. Later on in the evening, I may have a small snack of something, but I try not to eat too much, too late.
I'm considering trying the protein shake for lunch thing. For one thing, I can just sip it and have an apple and then I won't have to worry about becoming ravenous later on.

In the meantime, I guess I'll just eat this yogurt.